Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Cross Country Story

The old abandoned house creaked in the Autumn night. As I took wider steps home I realised that I could hear footsteps, like someone was following me. The wind gushed at me like I was it’s target. The bushes started shaking as I walked past. “Hello” , said Forrest Vosler. He was with James Rudder and Vernon Baker.” Look at what we got here” snarled James. “I'm a better person than you” I snapped. Furious, they beat me until I was a bloody mess. “ Smarty pants aye?” Vosler snarled. He left me lying on the footpath. I was angry but knew to keep my anger in check.

I came to school like shrapnel hit me from every angle. The incident the night before was not told to anyone, to make matters worse Cross Country was today. Training was more like boot camp since I worked so hard. “You’re a mess” said John Finn. He was my friend, only friend that knows me or at least talks to me. “ It’s D-Day today (Cross Country) and you’re in bad condition, we should shift you to the rear”. “Nonsense” I said “ I must do the race”. I was scared and nervous though and knew that the task that lay ahead would be difficult.

I’m eleven years old by the way. I'm not the toughest in the food chain, but I know when to show what I got when I need to. The bell rang stinging my ears as I went to sit in my line. Forrest Vosler and Vernon and James are all the same age as me. They think their all that , but I think their crooks. Oh and by the way I go to James Brown Elementary School. As usual, the oldest kids raced first. The wind made me shiver. Mr Smith came on the field saying I should not run. “Nonsense” I said in return,” I’ve got the heart of a lion,I can’t give up now.” “Bang “ went Mr Smiths pistols.

I ran and ran in little spurts in the beginning. There are a lot of 11 year olds in our grade, and they're all fast. I was lagging behind because I got tripped up in the very start. “Hahaha” was the only thing I could hear. I got back up though and joined the herd. I was starting to get reluctant when the pain in my wounds acted, The pain was excruciating. I took one step after another. The pain grew worse and worse.

I got to half way and started limping. Sprinting was the only thing that I had in my head. I was coming around 7th or 6th and realised the people in front of me were giving me a whopper of a hiding. The ground was the total opposite to a horse racing ground. It makes you slow and is sort of like quicksand. The worst thing that could have ever happened, did. One of the wounds opened. “Ahh” I shrieked with great pain.

The finish line was in view, 2oo m away.The hardest part of the race was near because I’m coming 4th and the people in my way to winning this thing or getting a place is Vernon, James, Vosler. “Oh Lord, please no. Not these guys that I have have to face up with. I’ll kill myself! I said in my head. I fell to the ground but got back up. Covered in mud and body about to give up, I run and run. Vernon Baker was in front, I passed him only to be barged and of balance. Rudder, James Rudder was my next victim. With 150m left. We were running together though for quite a bit. “Well, smarty has come to join the party” said Rudder. I ignored and passed him.

“Vosler” I said in my head. “Your going down potato head” shouted Vosler as he looked behind. He was surprised to see me, but then again I was gaining fast metres fast. With about 70m of space between me and the finish, I catch Vosler. “Holy” he said. We both sprinted and sprinted. 10m left to go and another wound started to ache. I took a deep breath. It was like I: had been gunned and lived. The finish was right there. I dived and landed on my wounds. I was out of breath. Like I had to swim a 200m swimming pool.

Silence overcame the field until Mr Smith came out. One person pointed at Forrest Vosler. Mr Smith shook his head. When the man pointed at me Mr Smith nodded. At that very moment I knew that I had won. John Finn said,” Hey Captain, or should I say der geist”. “What....Does.... that.... mean....”I said. “The Ghost” said John, “That’s what the other competitors think you are cause every time they think you’re out for the count, you came back.”

Note: Some of these names are really people who are army men.
All these men are at rest at the "Arlington Cemetery".


  1. What a strong message you have conveyed. I like the way your main character finds strength to rise above each challenge that comes his way. What a hero!
    Great writing Erene, you deliberately use language tricks to impact your audience.

  2. Hi Erene, Fantastic writing son! Your introduction is so intense and so dramatic. I loved the way you've included a lot of interesting characters to enhance your story. An awesome recount of your cross country Erene. I'm really proud of your progress.